How is cosleeping?

My lovely girl,

I wrote this blog post in my head at night when I couldn’t bear to get up and type it out, because you were snuggled up beside me and I didn’t want to leave… but mostly because I was so tired.

You are 23 months old. One month (a little less now) until you are two. You already tell people you are two, much to the giggly amusement of our little neighbours who argue the exact facts with you. “ALMOST two,” they say. But you laugh: “No, I two! Two.”  Sweet Pea, you don’t even know what it means to be in a hurry and you already are.

You are growing so fast.

Normally, we walk you to sleep or almost-sleep, snuggled up in a woven wrap next to me. You request to be on my back now – I think it gives you more room. Then I carefully place you in the big bed where you sleep between me & Daddy. You pull up your purple blanket and place a hand on one of us so you can stay in touch.

“How is cosleeping?” a cousin of mine recently asked.

Sometimes I’m grumpy about it and want my space. Sometimes I stare at your face and see my newborn. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of what you’re dreaming about. Usually, if I’m being honest, I am so exhausted by the time I make it to bed that I can’t stay awake to even contemplate “how it is.”

Always, it is worth knowing that you are happy and feel safe.

Last night, something new. Instead of wrapping and walking we went to bed and read book after book after book, and when you could hardly hold your eyes open a moment longer, you said “one more, read.” And so I did, and then you turned over and went to sleep.

Some night, I’ll read to you in your own bed and you’ll fall asleep there, and you’ll probably come into our bed sometime in the night.

Some night, you’ll stay in that bed, and I’ll wake up in the morning and have to go get you.

Some night, you’ll go there by yourself.

Some night, you won’t need me… but tonight you do, and so it’s okay to remind me and it’s okay that I needed to put my computer away. It’s okay that I’m writing this blog at 1am because you’re happily sleeping now but needed my attention earlier.

It’s okay these blog posts are very few and far between.

It’s okay I might need an iced coffee to get through tomorrow.

It’s okay that sometimes I feel totally crazy, because we’re heading toward that number 2 together. And 2 is crazy, no doubt.

Goodnight, little girl. Let’s not hurry this month.

Advertisement